Day 135: Feeling like myself again

I know I've been neglecting the blog. It has been for good reason. 

I've been mobilized with the Marines on active duty in Germany for the past month. I go home on Sunday. 

A lot has happened in the last month. Mostly that I've started to feel like myself again. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. I feel like I'm coming back. 

...and it's not just the 241 triple I did on a deadlift today wearing this getup...

The rush of confidence that comes with putting on the familiar fabric of my uniform is more than my now suddenly knowing what to wear everyday. It's like parts of me are starting to come back.

Outsiders may view uniforms as an opportunity to hide our true selves. I've found that it reveals it. It puts me on an equal playing field with those I serve with. It's a world where expectations are clear, standards are high and challenges are set. 

Surgery has humbled me. Feeling weak and helpless shook me to my very core. After I couldn't work, I looked for ways to fill my time. I sought out interactions with others where I was becoming someone I thought I should be. I tried to find meaning in my life by immersing myself into things I was not. 

Sometimes I felt like I was in an epic battle between surrendering to what I thought was the will of God and what my heart desired at its core. I was wracked full of anxiety. I was not at ease. 

The past month has reminded me of who I am and who I am called to be. 

God made us all different. He made us fearfully and wonderfully in His image. Some opportunities allow those unique and wonderful qualities to shine. 

I feel the most accepted, affirmed and cherished when I am wearing the uniform and laying everything I have out there to take care of other Marines. 

It took me traveling 5000 miles and across 7 time zones to relearn that I am awesome at being a professional. That I have so much to learn and that I have so many qualities that I can let fly. 

God places us in positions where we actually have to discern for ourselves what we want. The temptation is to give up control in a way that makes us little robots ready to receive and follow orders without thought rather than leaders and high servants of the King. 

I think the reason that I lost so much of myself was because I was not honoring the image that God made in me. I figured the Lord would honor my blind, minion-like obedience rather than using the gifts that He gave me to set the world on fire. 

Repressing oneself breeds resentment and frustration. Substituting God-given freedom for slavery leads to anxiety. 

We are not robots. 

There is only one God that we should submit to... And He loves us so much that He has given us free will. 

The hardest thing to believe is that He trusts us enough to let us make our own decisions. 

He wants to give us the greatest desires of our hearts... If we only really knew what they were. 

God is big. And He can overcome our errors, lack of judgement and mistakes. 

I'm grateful for the opportunity to continue to wear the cloth of the United States Marine Corps and for the Marines I serve with daily out here. 

I'm truly grateful for my friends and family that I have left behind who are supporting what I do and taking care of things at home. 

...and I am beyond grateful that my God trusts me enough to let me be who He created me to be. 

Day 101: Don't be a Clanging Gong

If I speak in human and angelic tongues but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal.2And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing.3If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, [love] is not pompous, it is not inflated,5it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury,6it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8 Love never fails. If there are prophecies, they will be brought to nothing; if tongues, they will cease; if knowledge, it will be brought to nothing.

-1 Corinthians 13:1-8

My brothers and sisters. 

A lot has happened in the past few weeks, and I'm sure it's thrown many of us for a loop. 

We have grown up in a world where Catholic values have been globally accepted in American society for generations. 

Now the tides are turning and what we stand for is in doubt. Our status publicly as Church is in jeopardy. 

Many of us have reacted with hurt, pain and outrage... And a symptom of this is complete defensiveness. 

...and I've seen such abject righteousness and judgement from my peers towards people who disagree with them. 

When you know the Truth, it's something that can be easily taken for granted and we often forget the journey that it took to get us here. 

Let's be clear about about something:

We did not get to where we were at because of our good works or what we did. 

We are saved because we have a Savior. 

It is only by His grace that we know the Truth. 

Any action that we take as Catholics, as Christians, as disciples must be in complete humility and servitude to Jesus Christ. It is only by what He accomplished by the Cross and Ressurection that we have any hope of heaven. 

Not acknowledging this is contrary to submitting to the Cross. Instead it is stepping on the pedastal of personal pride. A wretched and nasty fruit of Sin instead of the sweetness of the Holy Spirit. 

When you go to correct your brother for being in error, what is your motivation? Is it to resolve your own anxiety? Is it to turn your brother into a robot who repeats the same truth you claim without thought, personal buy-in or love?

If you really love your brother, find out his story. Reach him where he is at. Let him feel so safe with you that he exposes his hurts, wounds, needs and desires for his heart. Listen attentively. Pray for him earnestly. 

That's how you get credibility. That's how the truth is revealed. This is what piques curiosity to let even the most ardent opponent have an opportunity to hear the Gospel of Jesus Christ in its full and uncompromising glory. 

Evangelization requires stepping outside of oneself. It isn't about you feeling better that you "defended truth". It isn't about you feeling accomplished that "those people" know that they are "wrong" and that because of their sins or beliefs that they are not welcome at the table. 

If you try to say that somehow you are exempt from evangelization as a baptized and confirmed Catholic, I am here to loving show you that you are not free of this delightful burden. 

Let me ask this? Is the Truth something that needs to be justified constantly? Which is the greater call to holiness: acting as a dictionary and constantly clarifying definitions or lovingly convincing people that it is something even worth considering because of your love, joy and example?

You must proclaim the truth with great and fearless love. You must submit to the Holy Spirit to fulfill your baptismal call. 

If you want to point at "those people" whether they are your brother and sister Catholics who have not accepted the Truth for themselves, brothers and sisters from other denominations, or those who have not accepted the Gospel, remember the fall in the garden. 

God didn't ask Adam for an account of Eve's sins, but of his own. The desire to point the finger doesn't come from God but our own fallen nature. 

Like any caring and loving Father, God knows that each of His children are different. He holds them accountable to their own capabilities and experiences. He is a merciful Father. 

He will only have you account for your responsibilities, your encounters and His mission that He gave you. 

If you've already arrived safely accepting one small portion of the Truth, stop celebrating and move onto the next greater call for holiness. It won't end until you get to heaven. 

As long as you are still sucking up oxygen God's not done with you, oh fallen sinner and brother in Christ. It's the same for me as it is for you, and every time I start to climb up on my own pedestal I pray that the Lord lovingly knocks me the heck down. 

How do you measure up? Are you leading people to be receptive to the same grace that saved you? Are you showing them love and compassion? Are you a living and loving witness to all the Church espouses and teaches yourself?

Or are you cutting His children off at the knees with the deafening clanging of gongs that comes from your mouth whenever you open it in their direction? Are you someone that Jesus would say "you Hypocrites!" when you plead for judgement upon others?

Remember the gentleness that Jesus had when he encountered a wounded and repentant sinner... And compare that to the righteous anger that he displayed and cursed at the religious elite in the Pharisees and even in His own Apostles when they totally missed the point of... Everything. 

You are held to a different standard than your errant brothers and sisters. 

Stop whining and complaining. Be aware that everyone is watching, especially now. 

Be a witness. 

Live the Gospel. 

Be Jesus in a way that they see and know. 

Welcome persecution. 

Welcome doubt. 

Stop looking for gratification and righteousness from society.

Put down the crown of gold and pick up a crown of thorns. 

Step off the pedestal and pick up a cross. 

Remember that clanging gongs shut out every possibility of dialogue or even sanity until the noise is extinguished. 

My prayers are with you. I hope you pray for me too. 

(And if what you're doing resembles what Mandy Moore's character is doing in this clip from Saved! then repent and reevaluate the Gospel)

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=umLUKBlpyoY

Day 91: It's been 3 months?

So I had an appointment with Dr. Krishnan last Thursday and I got cleared to do basically everything except for mixed martial arts...

I asked him about CrossFit.. including things with barbells and rigs (and he said to go through my PT).  He said I can play hockey.  He said I can start Lacrosse..

I can row, I can hold onto stuff... I just have to work up to it slowly.

SO.  Today I went to CrossFit and had a blast!

40 Minute AMRAP

80 yard Farmer's Carry
20 Box Jumps
10 Strict Pullups (ring rows)
10 Strict HSPU (haha... yeah right)

Did Farmers' Carry (with the pretty pink kettlebells that were 18 pounds instead of the prescribed 53) and ring rows, extremely vertically and a seated overhead press with the 15 pound barbell.

The first few reps felt, awkward.  After that, smooth sailing!  The last rounds were faster and smother than the first and my shoulder feels, fantastic.

It helped that it was a 40 minute AMRAP so I had plenty of time to sort out the madness.  I ended up going into the ninth round with 12 box jumps.  I was pretty happy.

..I then got worked on by Hope after CrossFit.  Apparently my back and ribs were MAD.  The pain was so bad that she actually put lavender on my hands to smell to calm me down.  I almost passed out from the rebellion that my ribs mounted against me.

I feel much better now... I just needed some additional recovery following my recovery to include normatech for the blood to be pushed back into my head after I basically went into shock and a Kill Cliff to wake me up.

I then used my newly found energy and recovery to crank out my final paper for my Liturgical Leadership Class.

...being done with class until late August... it's a good feeling.

Looking forward to tomorrow and wondering what kind of scolding I will be getting from my PT Brandie for today.

Day 82: New PR

On Monday, we ran a crazy intense workout at Big D.

...long story short, I ended up doing a backsquat triple of 160 (5 pounds under my previous 1 rep max) while I was extremely fatigued. 

My friend Torre who is in her 2nd trimester of pregnancy also ended up in the same situation at 150. 

So, she asked if I would go for a max with her at the Saturday open gym and I said yes. 

The result?

Both of us absolutely destroyed our 1 rep maxes. Torre got 170 and I got up to 185.

...I can squat my boyfriend.. and then some.

I even had some in the tank, but the last rep my form got a little shady.

Next time, going for 200.

Sure, I have some limitations and I can't hold onto a barbell or rig... but ya know.  GAINZ.

My friend Kim had my stick around to do the WOD afterwards... and my legs felt like jello.

Tomorrow... is a rest day.

Great thing that it's on the Sabbath Day.  

Day 81: Struggle

Who is weak, and I am not weak?
Who is led to sin, and I am not indignant?

If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.
-2 Corinthians 11:29-30

In the last month, so many things have changed in my life and my healing.  So much that just thinking about it makes my head spin.

One of the funny things about growing and getting better is that a lot of times when you feel the most lost and in pain, you are actually exactly where you are supposed to be.

Holiness, like healing, is a process.  It is moving from what you once were to what you are called to be.

Anything worth having is worth fighting for.  The things that bring the most glory mean having to endure the greatest struggle.

Today at PT, I walked in sore and feeling weaker than I had in weeks.  It's like I know I am so close to being allowed to use my arm to lift things again and start hurdling back into what I was doing before.

It felt like I was weaker doing all of my exercises when my PT offered resistance to me.  I finally spoke up and asked him why I had become so weak.

David told me that he could feel that I was getting stronger, so he was giving me more resistance than I had ever been able to endure before.  I had no idea because the only thing I could feel was my struggle against it.  I had no way of appreciating the fight that I was putting up.

This hasn't just affected me in my shoulder.

In the past month, my life has changed so much personally.  I had finally reached a point with God where I was totally content with healing, being single and taking things one day at a time.

It was like I finally let my guard down with God.  For the first time in my life, I completely submitted to His will.

...and He took me for a ride.

God started revealing the plan that He had for my life including preparing me for my permanent vocation.  For the first time in years, I am in a dating relationship and walking this path with God without so many shortcuts that I have taken in my past.

Holiness is a process.  Where all of your impurities and inequities are brought up to the surface for you to deal with head on.  It is not pleasant.  It is uncomfortable.

Being vulnerable goes against every fiber of my nature and being...

...and yet that is EXACTLY what I have been called to do in the last month.

It is really easy to be sure of a path until it is put to the test.

It is really easy to think you are doing just fine until you are faced with a choice to get better.

...and you can either take it or try to go back to life as you knew it before.



Allowing yourself to be loved is one of the hardest lessons to learn.

The last few weeks I have been struggling.  Feeling like I am back at square one with my walk with God and all the progress I have made over the last few years.

...but in this struggle, I am stronger than ever.

Because in my weakness, Christ is strengthening me.

Feelings are fickle.  They pass along with the uncomfortable moments and frustration.

Virtue leads to holiness... and holiness leads to everlasting life.

This is my struggle.... and I will rejoice in it.  

Jesus said to his disciples:
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth,
where moth and decay destroy, and thieves break in and steal.
But store up treasures in heaven,
where neither moth nor decay destroys, nor thieves break in and steal.
For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be.
-Matthew 6:19-21

Day 77: Where has the time gone?

Today marks 11 weeks post-op.

It's amazing to look back and realize that 11 weeks can be so quick and so short at the same time.

So much has changed in the past couple of months, and I would have never anticipated it.

It's amazing what happens when you stop making plans and start living your life open completely to the possibilities and plans that God has for you.

When all of this started, I did not really know what my expectations were for what I would be experiencing right now.  I guess I felt like I would be returning to the same crazy busy life that I had before.  Running from class, to calling ball to coaching.

My life has been transformed quite a bit, and now that I am returning to umpiring finally I have come full circle.

I did not anticipate the gains in leg strength and cardio that I would get from the month being slayed on the Airdyne.  I did not anticipate being able to back squat more than my body weight and being able to run faster than when I was commissioned as a Second Lieutenant 8 years ago.

...even more so I did not anticipate being so content in having so much of my life unstructured.  I did not expect to be so happy to be completely responsive to the will of God and being open to plans greater than I ever expected.

There have been many blessings that have come out of this time.  I have been more available for my dearest and closest friends in times of need.  I have been more kind and responsive to my brothers and sisters in the streets.

..and I have formed new friendships and relationships...

Had I not been subdued and running around like a crazy woman, I doubt I would have had time for a date, let alone the time, availability and presence to form new and meaningful relationships.

God is so good to me.

...and I can't wait to see what He has in store for me.

Day 53: Memorial Day

It's Memorial Day weekend.

It's a time to remember the sacrifices of my brothers and sisters in arms.  Those who have perished so that we can live freely.

Whenever I get the chance to put on my uniform, it is a sobering reminder of the fact that what we have signed up for has a price.

...and some of us have paid it...

..while the rest of us go home and live our lives.  Sometimes we wonder why we were spared and continue to move along like nothing else has happened.

When news hits of a loss, whether it be through combat, an accident or a death in the line of duty, I cannot really describe how it affects us.

Often due to distance, displacement or operational commitments, we don't have time to mourn.  We lack the opportunity to really get through these losses in a way that allows us to to fully process the gravity and enormity of what happened and integrate the loss into who we are.

Every time I see a flash across the news or social media of another brother or sister who has perished in the line of duty, it becomes so apparent that they wear the same cloth as I did.

When you wear it everyday to go do your job, it is just part of who you are.  While deployed, everyone is going through the same thing and we easily dismiss how much of a risk it is to be where we are.  It's easy to take for granted the danger that goes into the most routine of duties and tasks.

Until you hear the news that someone who you ate chow with last week is no longer around.  You go on with business as usual because you have a job to do.

...while their loved ones will never been the same.

Now that I'm out but still drilling, I have my feet in two worlds.  One where these losses are tragic, foreign and confusing and the other where we the mission still continues in the face of them.

This is why Memorial Day is such a big deal to service members, veterans and their families.

...and why I am proud to be a member of the CrossFit community.

It's one of those rare places where all of us can come together and acknowledge how much these things affect us and change us...and where we can all offer everything that we have up suffering together.

Yesterday at Big D, we ran the classic workout "Murph" in honor of LT Michael Murphy, a US Navy SEAL who was killed in the line of duty on June 28th, 2005 during Operation Red Wing in near Asadabad,Afghanistan.  He was awarded the Medal of Honor posthumously for exercising a complete disregard for his own life and safety to make every effort to contact higher headquarters to send out reinforcements for his men when they were overwhelmed by an assault of enemy Taliban forces that vastly outnumbered their four-man team.  His bravery led to the rescue of one of his teammates and the recovery of the remains of those who perished in battle.

If you want to know more about the legend behind this WOD, click in the link.




Like me, Murph was a Penn State graduate.  This workout always hits close to home.

This Hero workout is a tribute to Murph because while he was alive, it was one of his favorites.  He called it "Body Armor" and doing it Prescribed means wearing body armor or a 20 pound vest.

The WOD consists of the following:

1 mile run
(Any Order for the following)
100 pull-ups
200 push-ups
300 air squats
Cash-out:
1 mile run.

Given that with my rehab I can't do push-ups or pull-ups, I had to modify this with single armed ring-rows and floor press. We also had no extra 20 pound vests so clearly I wasn't doing it prescribed.

So...  I went with boots and utilities so it would at least be a little bit harder.

I headed down to Big D to do it at 10am.  There were a whole bunch of people from the community and the usual suspects there to get it done.

I don't know what got into me.  I ran it HARD.  Harder than any other workout I've done.

I did the first mile in 8:30.  I was shocked.

...then I went to the rest and I tried to break it up 10, 20, 30.  It worked for 3 sets and the I started to fatigue, so I just started doing rounds of Cindy 5, 10, 15.  I just kept moving.  I did not stop to catch my breath or anything.

There were people of all different kinds of fitness, backgrounds and abilities working out with us.  I shared the rings I was doing rows on with a mother/daughter team.  It was awesome to see them supporting each other.



...Laurie came up to me in the middle of my second to last round of Cindy while I was doing squats and said "PAUSE".  I looked up and she just hugged me...

..gotta love the support of this community.

I booked the second mile back in less than 10 minutes, leading two teenage girls who had stopped to walk and I finished in a disgustingly fast 42:15.

Hopefully when I get rehabbed up and able to do the entire WOD I am just as fast as before.

But more importantly, every time I run one of these WODs, I try to remember those who I have encountered in my career that are no longer with us.


SSgt Hasan Murchinson



GySgt Adam Benjamin, KIA OEF 2009


1stLt Ryan Iannelli, KIA OEF 2011



Maj Ryan Hansen



Offering it up for my brothers and sisters this weekend.

...give thanks for them and pray for their families this weekend.

Because this weekend is all about them.

Day 43: #GAINZ

I am now in week 7 of my recovery.... and as my friend Meagan says, I am definitely on the Gainz train...

...Gainz are good... very good.

I have hit a new stride of confidence in my recovery after this weekend of watching some amazing feats of humankind in the CrossFit South Regional.

It was one heck of an experience.  The caliber of athletes there was absolutely amazing.  Our athlete Audra pushed herself unbelievably hard.  The look on her face after getting a snatch at 161 during event 5 was pretty much the highlight of the weekend.

It was frustrating to not be able to partake in any of the little contests that were going on to test fitness, but I held back to keep from hurting myself.  I am sure that was probably one of the more prudent things that I have ever done.  I know that my PT Brandie was thankful for my restraint on Monday.

Today in particular, I hit a new stride in the positivity train.

At CrossFit today, I ended up with a couple of firsts!  Normally on Tuesdays, Chase straps me to the sled and I go for a walk that usually means that I get cheered on/gawked at by the whole neighborhood.  Thankfully, Chase decided that since I am sling free, I get to hang out with the big kids.

First, I noticed that there were no other ladies at the gym, so I was on my own to put my hair up.  I had to do a warm up on the Airdyne to get my arm warmed up.  I put my hair up on my own... with a ridiculously high ponytail, but it worked.

I got to touch a barbell for the first time since surgery!  The WOD for today was 5 X 5 of tempo (3 down, 2 bottom, 1 up) back squats.  Chase checked on my form with a PVC pipe and directed me to grab a barbell and do 5 x 10 of the same.

I eagerly got the rack ready and went over to grab the barbell.. with just my right arm... carried it like a guideon and threw it onto the rack.. all by myself.

I shimmied my way into position, gripped onto the barbell and stepped back.

I cannot describe how good it felt to have my torso in position and get into a deep squat while holding onto a barbell.  Sure, there were no plates on it and it wasn't that hard.  But, I was able to keep my position and make every rep solid.

I had to go back and forth between the Airdyne and the rig to keep my arm loose and able to stay in position, but it worked out!  I hammered out all of the reps.  Heck, I think my backsquat form was even better than before surgery because I was forced to hold the barbell up on my traps as opposed to lower on my back.

I am pumped to see what I can do as I get stronger.

The second part of the workout was 50 strict presses for time.  For the non-gimps it was 75% of a one rep max...  Everyone reported that this was BRUTAL.

...Chase assigned me a 26 pound KB.... average time in the gym ranged from 7 minutes to over 11.

And I got 4:45.  SO... Chase told me that I get to graduate to the 35... great.

I decided to get a jump rope and play.  Just single unders.  That was really awkward to start with.  My arm just didn't want to go.  But, I kept at it and I got 30. So I tried again and I got beyond 30... so I kept going and 50... 60... 70...80 and almost lost it... and got to 100.

...that was surprisingly exhausting.

I went for it and got 100 again.

...then I got ambitious and went for double unders... which I sucked at before surgery.

...I got one.

We are not to despise small beginnings.

My mindset has shifted so that now instead of being aggravated at what I have lost due to this injury and the rehab, I am fiercely celebrating what I can do and enjoying how much I am improving and growing in it.

I can't help but realize that when I am at my best version of myself, I also happen to incorporate the awesomeness of those who surround me.  The great thing about the Body of Christ is that the truth and goodness of God can be seen in all of His creation.  It need not be church-like in order to be Church.

I know that at some points of this process, I have been frustrated, down and mourning past or praying that the future would hurry up and get here.  I refused to see how I was blessed or enjoy the gift that was in front of me.

A few of my friends and mentors were instrumental in getting me to pull my head out of my arse and start cooperating with the grace of God.  My spiritual director encouraged me to stop thinking so rigidly and start to pray for the people and situations that were giving me the most issues and to let go of what I could not control.  Chase set things up so I could push myself at what I could do while still looking out for my best interest.  Sylvia has always been there for me to listen to my rants and gently pushed me into the direction I needed to go into.

...and my friend Laurie has always been a constant beacon of support and encouragement to not be a knucklehead, think positive, relax and be present in each moment... in her own way.

All of these influences have moved me to be closer to God and value the gift that He has placed before me in each day.

They manifest in some ways that are more obvious:  like my pushing myself as hard as I can for my coaches... and some ways that are more subtle.. such as the sudden introduction of the phrase "I dig it" for my approval of just about anything.

...and when I learned to cooperate with the gift of the present, God started to reveal to me the epic plans that He has for my life.

I think that God places us through these trials of purification because He wants to bestow all kinds of awesomeness upon us. What usually holds us back isn't so much that God doesn't want to give us those gifts, but that our own attitudes and lack of openness to the goodness of God hold us back.

Fear of being vulnerable and losing control is what has been holding me back from the total glory of God and the goodness that He has planned for me.

I know this is something I am going to have to battle as long as I am on this earth... but I know that the past 7 weeks have me a heck of a lot closer to what God has in store for me than before.


Oh.. and I was advised to ice after my serious Gainz.  Ya know.  To reduce inflammation and to keep Gaining...

Seriously.  This is great.

Day 45: I got no slings...

It felt good waking up knowing that this was the last morning that I would be in a sling.

I started the morning by going to see my favorite doctor of all time, Dr. Krishnan for my 6 week follow-up.

I put on the little shoulder gown, got some X-rays and then proceeded to wait in the exam room for what seemed like an eternity.  I decided to lie down and get a nap which was nice.

Dr. K was super excited to tell me that I could "throw the sling in the trash".  I was cleared to run again and do just about everything with the lower body. I asked about every conceivable thing I could do in hockey or at work that I could think of.  I basically found out that I can't work for another 6 weeks. So, filing for temporary 100% disability for 12 weeks is totally happening.

Got some food and went out to PT.  I got to enter into a new phase of awesomeness.  I started active range of motion and moving all the way in each direction. David the PT was able to get my arm all the way over my head.  I also learned a whole bunch of new exercises.  It's nice to be moving onto something new.

I went to CrossFit today and got to work out without my sling.  It was a partner WOD and I only had to kinda sorta modify it instead of modifying... all of it.  I partnered up with my girl Torre.  She's 4 months pregnant and I'm a gimp.  We make a terrific pair.

I got to Airdyne with.. TWO hands... and I got to run!  Oh my gosh that felt amazing.  At first it felt like my arm was stapled to my side.  But, after a few 200s, it just opened up and everything felt amazing.

...afterwards, my shoulder spasamed like the dickens.. but hey.  That workout felt... GOOD.  I was QUICK off the sprints.  It's almost like all the pent up energy and Airdyne madness just unleashed into beast mode.

I am so glad that I am at the point of my healing where I am getting stuff back.  It is. Amazing.

I then went to my parish for a catechist appreciation dinner...  I was expecting tacos for some reason.. like I had seen them on the invitation. I was really excited for tacos as at the point in life I am basically a taco-based life-form.



I got there.. and there was only pasta.  I was sad.




...but I was absolutely invigorated by the Holy Spirit moving through the parish.  I got to talk to a few people about changes coming.  It made me excited to be a parishioner again.  It made me feel at home.

The last couple of days have been all about consolation.  Sometimes walking with God looks like a sine wave instead of a straight path on a flat easy road.  Earlier in this process, I was definitely in a valley.  Now, I am starting to see the mountain top.

In order to get there, I had to surrender to the Cross of Christ.  I literally clutched it as I slept.  I had to be open to the Lord's will for my life... completely available and completely vulnerable.  I had to trust others with the gift of praying for my most personal needs and intentions.

....and now God is starting to show me how He wants me to follow Him for the rest of my life.

As of last night there is some seriously awesome discernment that is going on in my life.  Please pray for me.

...what follows next might be even more amazing than tacos.

Day 42: ...4 more days

I woke up this morning to my sling unstrapped... again.

I figured that it is my arm trying to tell me that it's time to set it free.

I started my day with paperwork and snuggling with Cracker to make him feel better about himself.


....he needed some encouragement.

I went to PT today.. eager and excited to be set free from my sling by my PT.  She assured me that she had the authority to free me at week 6...

...aaaaaaaaaand she didn't.  She found out that my appointment with Dr. Krishnan was this Thursday instead of next Thursday. So, she said that I was contained until I saw him.

Noooooooooooooooooo.

My arm was super extra cranky this morning.  I don't know if it was the rain this weekend or my 'Houdini act' (as Brandie likes to call my escape attempts in my sleep) or what.  It was almost like my arm was in rebellion upon finding out that it was not going to be free.

After that, I continued to slay the VA paperwork beast and then went off to CrossFit.... where my right arm got an incredible workout with dumbbell snatches and one arm ring-rows.  By the end of it, there was so much more blood in my right arm as opposed to my left it felt like my forearms were going to explode.

3 more nights of sleeping in a sling.  We will see if there are more Houdini acts.  I might have to tape the buckles on my sling together...

Day 39: Being enough

Since I've been recovering from this surgery, I've had a lot of time to be alone with my thoughts. 

I have a tendency to fall into a trap that I think plenty of other type-a personalities posses. 

I think that I am not enough. 

I need to be making progress. I need to be moving towards a goal. I'm always thinking about the future. I'm always wondering what I could be doing to be more awesome. 

The last couple of days, I have been beyond tired. 

I went to the VA for an appointment on Tuesday and it totally messed with me. All I wanted to do was file for education benefits that I have earned. That's it. I did not want to have a crisis of identity and integrity. 

I have several disabilities of various degrees and modes of existence. I am currently rated at 60% and I even have pending claims for temporary 100% disability because I can't work right now. At all. 

I don't like to dwell on how broken I am. I do try to rise and kick ass despite the fact that it's harder to do stuff than when I was 22 and relatively indestructible. 

I cannot possibly describe to you how obnoxious and demoralizing it is to go to that facility and the offices that surround it. They don't give you a map that tells you which of the 60 buildings your appointment is located in. There is no parking anywhere on site after 6 am. 

Even before you get to your appointments, you want to give up. 

Then after getting to your appointment, and sitting in the waiting room, you just see how hopeless everyone looks. The veterans in various states of orthopedic injury and desolation. The staff members that are overwhelmed by the sheer paperwork requirements and only seem to see us as numbers, issues and programs. 

Every time I go there I feel less of a capable adult and more like I'm waiting on my own demise... And I'm not even there for medical treatment. 

I was the last veteran seen. For some reason they let every male veteran go first and saved the three females to the end. I have no idea if it was a coincidence or not, but it was weird. 

In my appointment with an education "counselor", she accepted everything I told her. 

...except for the part where she basically lied to me and told me that I don't qualify for the program... Even though I know I do. 

It's like you have to prove to them what they already know and have documented in triplicate: the sacrifices you made during your service have permanently altered your existence so you can't do what you thought you could do anymore. 

So rather than accept it at face value, based on the documentation, they want you to continue to be broken and jacked up. Heaven forbid they let you use the services you earned to become better or stronger again. 

I know I need to fight for my benefits, but the idea of it is just so exhausting right now that in a way, I've quit before I got started. 

So, yeah. The last couple of days I've not really been too motivated to get out there and be productive. I even missed going to mass every day this week. 

There is a difference between having a zeal for a mission and trying to validate yourself by pursuing it. 

Today, I finally got to mass. 

Across the way, there was a family that I have seen at daily mass all over the place. It was a mother and her two teenage sons. The elder of them is severely autistic. 

He kept looking at me. So, I smiled and waved. 

He kept pointing at me and looking at me all during the mass. During the sign of peace he made a point to point to me again. 

I felt bad because his poor mother was trying to get him to follow the mass and focus on the altar instead of me. 

At the end of mass I hung around to talk to a couple of the undergrads. 

He made a b-line for me and hugged me. His mom warned him to be gentle because I was hurt (sling is still on). So he grabbed my hand and kissed it. 

I have never felt so honored in my entire life. It's not like I walked out in a dress with my hair done immaculately and makeup. He saw me as beautiful. 

To have a young man honor me in my brokenness was the most dignifying thing in the world. 

I know that he lives his life in complete dependence to others. He doesn't get the luxury and burden that we do in discerning a plan for ourselves and taking steps to reach those goals. 

This young man saw something in me that I couldn't see in myself. He accepted me for who I was in that moment. He affirmed the beauty that God created in me. 

...I am good enough. Regardless of what I have lost or where I'm going. Who I am right now is exactly what God created me to be.

And the same is true of you. 

Despite all your works, failings and successes, you are wonderful in the Father's eyes. 

Day 38: ROM Gainz

Today at PT... I finally hit a milestone that made me feel awesome.

I got my arm overhead. 

I had my second session of pool PT.  After all the warming up and walking around the pool we eventually got to range of motion.  

I put my goggles on and David the PT started to move my arm up. I felt like it was getting closer and closer to locking out overhead.  I was frustrated that it wouldn't go all the way.

...so, I just started imagining catching a snatch.. and BOOM!  Arm is overhead.

Freaking.. magic.  

The rest of the day was kind of.. unproductive.  But, hey.  Range of motion gainz.

That and I attended my last class of the semester tonight.  I gotta type a couple of paragraphs, then I finish my last learning journal and I am done with all of the semester.  

...13 credits down.  24 to go. 

But seriously.  Air snatch underwater.  It's a new thing.  

Monday, I hopefully lose the sling and I can move onto a fulfilling life of front squats with a PVC...and running awkwardly.

I am looking forward to it.  

Day 37: Modify all the things

Up for Whatever is totally my jam.

Last night was a late night, so I ended up sleeping in pretty hardcore this morning.

First really meaningful thing that I did was go to Big D for my workout.  Devin was coaching and I don't really think that he knew what to do with me.  

So, this was our approach....

The workout scheduled was this:

Triple 3's:

3000k Row

300 Double Unders

3 mile run

Obviously, I had to modify everything.

Modify all the things:

120 Cal Airdyne

100 one armed KB swings (24 lbs), 50 step-ups (Mix)

1 mile sled drag (45 lbs)

I've been trying to find new ways to pray that fit in with life and allow God to be present in all things. Today, it occurred to me while I was dragging the sled that I could offer up the physical difficulty and suffering produced by the endeavor.  

I started remembering my time as a Second Lieutenant and how young and inexperienced I was.  Life at The Basic School was tough.  The stresses and the insecurities that were around everything brought out some of the worst of us.  Each stretch, I thought of another young lieutenant who I had a disagreement of some sort with.  I thought of how in my weakness, fear, pride and insecurity I did not handle the situation in a manner that reflected the goodness of God.  I offered that suffering in reparation for my sins.  By the end of it, I sincerely wished the best for each of them.  

It wasn't too hot out when I got there so I changed from my tank top to a t-shirt... by the end of the workout, my shirt was dripping and soaking wet with sweat.  It is definitely becoming the season for tank tops and silkies. 

It took me about 45 minutes which was comparable to the guys who were doing it prescribed.  So, in terms of modifying, it was one of my best ones ever.

Last night, I did 100 GHD sit-ups instead of 100 V-ups, given that I can't move my arms over my head.  That modification was ridiculous.. and it was a lot more painful than 100 V-ups would be...

Modifying is an adventure....always. 

I went to CryoUSA to freeze and see my awesome massage therapist Hope.  I passed along all the compliments from everyone that has seen my scar to her.  My PT had raving praise for its motility and excellence in healing.  

Hope has been working on me for the better part of 10 months.  I've stuck with her because she is probably the most aggressive massage therapist that I have ever encountered.  When you go to see Hope to get Kinetic Sports Therapy (KST), you won't get a relaxing warm blanket with a oil and soft music and candles.... your rebellious muscles and tissue get a beat-down from the boss for disobeying you.  

She was the first recovery-type specialist who was able to get my shoulder blades back to where they belonged.  My hips have opened up and I was seeing some crazy gains in the gym.  She has even managed to get the scar tissue on my ankle from my Achilles surgery almost 3 years ago way down.  Before this surgery, I had pretty much annihilated every single PR in the gym that I had ever had.  I feel stronger and more capable entering in my 30s than I had ever had been in my 20s.   

We've gotten kind of tight.. but I attribute this to the fact that she keeps me amused while she is torturing me.  That and Hope is her middle name. Her first name is Esther.  It's hard to find other women named Esther who are not in their 80s or asian.  Just saying. There's not a lot of us.  

When my bandages were taken off 33 days ago, Hope almost passed out from seeing the staples in my scar... but she quickly followed it up by saying that she was determined to make sure that it would be her mission to ensure that it would look like it never happened.

I'd say that a month later, she's almost right.... and this is why I trust her.

I continued my theme of "Up for Whatever" when I was sitting in Normatec after my massage.  I overheard the girls at the front desk freaking out about needing help in Spanish.  I said "nescitan ayuda con espanol?"

They screamed "GET HER OUT"... and before I knew it, I was up and on the phone talking to some guy about Cryo Chamber sales.  

Hey, being a Mexican benefits society from time to time.

I needed to restock on food so I headed to Snap Kitchen.  On the way I saw a homeless woman on the side of the road holding a sign saying that she was pregnant.  I didn't get a chance to pull over to her, so I said a prayer as I drove by.

I went to Snap and stocked up on my food.  I walked out and saw that she had moved to the other side of the intersection.  

Up for whatever...

I ran back in and got a wrap and some fruit.  I figured that because that she was pregnant, she needed real food and nutrition.  Went across the street and gave it to her.  She asked for my name, hers was Vanessa.

She had resources, but she needed to get by during the day.  I was glad that I could help her and for her to be in my prayers.

God is so, so good.  I'm glad that I just get this time to relax and be in this moment.  

If that was the whole point of losing the ability to do lots of stuff, I'm glad that I was given this cross.  

Day 34: Up for whatever with God.

There's been a lot of talk among my Catholic friends lately regarding vocations. That and it seems like everyone around me is either getting married or expanding their families.

It's an interesting time to be single. 

In the Church, and especially in youth ministry, we talk about vocations a lot. Most people tend to think of the call to the priesthood and religious life as being the "real" vocations with marriage and especially single life as being an afterthought.

This past weekend, it has been absolutely affirmed that the purpose of being single is to be available for whatever God has in store for you.  It's being present and available to others in their time of need, pretty much at a drop of a hat.

It is to be in the world and be the Lord's representative to anyone who needs Him at any time.

It feels like being a firefighter on call.  Most of the time I'm sitting around waiting and then all of a sudden I'm off from one crisis to another.  There is no "typical day" in my life any more.

Before this surgery, my evenings were totally locked up between class, calling ball and the hockey rink.  I made every effort to force routine, order and predictability into my life.  I really wasn't present or available to anything that didn't fit in my box or my world.

When I had this surgery, I initially fought and lamented about all that I lost.  I lost my ability to work in the jobs that I had while I was in school.  I lost the ability to work out for two weeks. I lost a massive amount of muscle mass. I felt useless.

My spiritual director has been challenging me to just relax and be open to what the world has in store for me.  My new prayer is to let my day be exactly what God plans for it.

My prayer each morning now is to open myself up to the plan of God.  That my day be His day.


On Friday, I spent the entire day with my friend and fellow Marine Kim as she got her ACL repaired. We did the WOD at Big D in the morning at 6am.  Coach Laurie looked confused to see us.  We normally go in the evening and it was almost like we did not exist in that realm of Laurie's world.

Crushed the WOD (I modified, Kim RXd), went back to her place to shower and off we went to UT Southwestern at about 9am.  She went on back and I started with a rosary and then working on my homework in the waiting room.  She was not scheduled until 11am.

Her surgery was about two hours. It was interesting to see what was going on in the waiting room during that time.  As I cruised through my homework, I observed the human drama that was going on around me.

When Kim got out of surgery, I was itching to get back and see her.  But, it took a while for her to get settled.

I started reading a book and a man across from me looked at me.  He was an old man, probably in his seventies.  His eyes were welling up with tears and he just blurted out to me:  "my wife is having a hard time waking up".  I put down my book and I looked back and said "I'm so sorry".

She was in pain when she woke up and she couldn't get settled at all. They were going to admit her to the hospital after what was supposed to be a day surgery.  I sat with him for the next 15 minutes, hanging out with him and just chatting.  I have no idea what his name was or anything else about him, but clearly God wanted me there in that moment so he would have someone to minister to him.

I was called back to see Kim, and she was OUT.  She was given finergan for nausea and she was just totally unmoved by anything.  After a while, we got her in the car and I got to take her to CVS for her prescriptions.  She was so out of it that at one point she blurted out "COWS" out of nowhere.

It was kind of nerve-wracking to know that I had been solely entrusted with Kim, a friend who I really had not known too well before this day beyond my CrossFit gym and sharing stories from the Corps.  She was now completely vulnerable and dependent on me to get her through the next few hours.  My brain was going a million miles a minute thinking of all the tasks that needed to get done.  I ended up having to take her back to my apartment to grab things that I didn't realize that I would need.

Eventually we got her back to her place and settled her in. it was about 4pm.  I had not eaten all day, but I had to walk the dog and ensure that Kim had what she needed.  After about two hours, I was finally able to sit down and eat.

This didn't bother me at all.  I figured I was offering it up.  I just sat next to her and we chatted as she went in and out.

At about 8pm Kim's parents came into town.  They drove in from San Antonio.  They are a lovely Mexican couple.  Her dad actually reminded me of a shorter version of my dad.  We got Kim in the car and got her meds and went out for tacos.  The place was so authentic that they spoke Spanish to us as soon as we walked in the door.

By the end of dinner, Mrs. Hernandez had decided that I was her new daughter with blue eyes.

I finally got home around 11 and I was so tired that I could hardly move.

The next morning, I got up late and it was another day open for God.  I spent the majority of it at Snap Kitchen waiting for Kim to wake up so I could deliver food to her.  I ended up finishing all of my homework for the semester because she was out for so long.  During that time I was available to the other snap staff to chat with them.  Luckily, they made surplus food available to me.  An opportunity came up for me to watch the Pacquiao/Maywether fight at a firehouse with my other new friend Kim and some of Dallas' finest firefighters.

Today, back up and I made myself available again.  Another day of just being open to each opportunity to do something for someone else in need.

It's a lot easier and more fulfilling to live life in constant service to others.

I now cherish each day that I have in this vocation to the single life.. for however long I am to be in this state.

I mean, there are worse things than being a first responder for God.

...and right now, that's what I'm called to do.

Day 28: 4 weeks out and extra ROM

My muscles have continued to be cranky as all heck.  My first instinct when I wake up in the morning is to stretch; unfortunately with my arm being contained up in a sling, there is nowhere for my arm to go so the muscles fight back and.. goooooooooood morning.

  

Biofreeze has become a necessity for just about every time I get dressed.  Taking off my shirt is complicated and there is something about the movement of my arm down that makes my arm just want to seize up. 

Luckily, I didn't do much this weekend other than head out to see my teens that I volunteer for at my parish get confirmed.  I was so blown away by them!  They were so well behaved and excited for the Mass.  They all took the direction to dress well to heart and they just looked fantastic. 

Mgsr. Greg Kelly was the presider!  It was awesome because he was our guest speaker at my Pastoral Administration class a couple of weeks ago... he remembered me and asked me how my arm was doing. I felt so honored.

Aren't they just darling?!

Seriously.  Who wouldn't want to be a Core member with teens like these?

The reception was great! There was cake... and it was delicious and totally worth my cheating on my clean eating for. 

With the weekend continuing the cycle of arm spazzing, I was really excited to go to PT today because I knew that I could move my arm a little more.  Because we are at day 28, I could finally passively raise my arm above 90 degrees.  I prayed that with the extra movement, my arm would finally calm the heck down.

So, off I went to PT this afternoon.. excited for the brand new possibilities.  

It started out as normal.  Brandie had my hot pad for me... she massaged my arm lightly and checked on my janky scar.  We then did the bicep flexion and the external rotation which was no big deal.  

...then it was time. She got a hold of my arm and we went to 90.  That felt good and it made me happy...

..then the second time we went to 105 degrees range of motion.  My... gosh.  That was painful.  I actually got hot and started sweating from the adrenaline kick.  I have a crazy pain tolerance, so if my body starts to do funky things, you know that it was painful.  I had to go to a happy place and just enjoy the ride.  

The final set, we went out to 120 degrees.  It burned like fire, but it got somewhat bearable at the end. Brandie said that she was being nice, and that we wouldn't go farther that day.  

..I am not looking forward to 180.  Just saying.  Ugh.

There was so much passive range of motion.  So much.  It was surprisingly exhausting.  I was relieved at the end when I got to ice... and go to CrossFit.

Today was Monday Massacre at CrossFit Big D.  It was 5 rounds of a workout every 7 minutes at 100%.  I was pumped.  I modified it of course (which Coach Laurie was happy to help me do).

5 rounds/every 7 minutes

10 KB One arm Clean and Jerks (25 lbs)

10 GHD situps

10 KB Squats (44 lbs)

10 One arm Strict Press (30 lb DB)

1:42/1:43/1:50/1:53/1:40 (Hot dang)

...I just about died at the end.  Laurie had to remind me to not be a total spaz and not aggravate my shoulder by involving it too much.  

Shoulder was still all aggravated and offended from PT.  I had to keep my scap locked back and even then it was crotchety. 

I then went to Cryo to see Hope.  First, I pretty much ate it stepping into the Cryo chamber and slammed my shoulder into the wall. That was not awesome. 

Hope with her magical fingers of awesomeness worked on my angry, angry shoulder and my crazy scar.  That and my legs, hips and back have not been even or happy since I have gotten back to fitness.  It's amazing how much going to see her pays off.  I was in a crazy amount of pain and general jacked-upness of my neck and shoulder was making life pretty difficult.  

I am so blessed that I have so many resources and people who care so much to aid in my recovery.  Hope said that it was her goal to make my scar disappear.  She has been working really hard on it.  I have gotten compliments on how well it is healing.  

That's all her.  Lord knows all I've been doing is eating, sleeping and working out.  Haha.

28 days out... hard to believe that it looks this good.

Another two weeks before I'll be out of this sling.... cannot... wait... 

Day 24: Spasms and making the Airdyne my B#$*#

I woke up this morning and I discovered that my arm wasn't in the sling.

....that scared the crap out of me.  Last thing I need is to open up my arm, need new incisions and even worse, have my screws be ripped out of my socket.  

Luckily I hadn't moved a whole lot in my sleep.  I vaguely remember waking up in pain in the middle of the night, and shuffling around.  I guess I took off my sling.  I pray that I don't do that again.

I also noticed today that when I wear my sling, that my shoulder goes into serious spasm.  So, I literally try to not wear it at all during the day.  

Chase told me that it's part of the process.  As I get more active, my arm wants to move more... and it affected him for 2-3 months.

...great. 

In other good news, the Airdyne is no longer as challenging as it used to be.  

I remember the first time I rode it when I arrived at Big D.  My calf was acting up, so Chase had me do the Airdyne instead of running.  

My Grandma had one that she would ride to stay fit.  I have been thinking about her a lot this week.  Monday was the 6 year anniversary of when she passed away and I miss her a lot.  She was all about the Airdyne and doing Tai Chi.  I remember that she would do it for about an hour, while reading a magazine or the newspaper.  I would pop in and she would say hello and even have a conversation.

...I figured if my dear sweet Grandma Dot did it through her 70s and 80s so relaxed and with such elegance and grace, it couldn't be that bad.  

I mean seriously.  My Grandma was adorable.  

...after about 30 seconds on that thing, I discovered why that thing had this nickname:

...and I decided that my Grandmother was a BEAST and some sort of superhero.  She must be looking down on me from heaven, laughing her butt off that her big, big bad CrossFitting, Hockey-playing, granddaughter who also happened to be a US Marine was being absolutely owned by a Schwinn Airdyne.  

...I am sure I am absolutely endearing to her in this struggle. 

...so... I avoided riding that thing like the plague.  No matter how much my legs hurt, I would suck it up and run.  I made it my mission to be awesome at mobility.  I went about 9 months without touching it.. and it was amazing.

Given that I can't run with a sling, I have been stuck on this damn thing. 

The first day back, I hated it so much.  Chase programmed a ridiculous amount of calories.  My arse hurt from the seat.  My legs burned like fire.  It was just not awesome.

Two weeks ago, it took me a minute to do 8 calories on average.  

So... today I did 10 calories on the Airdyne to modify a 400m run... and 20 calories for an 800m run.

...to put that in perspective, it takes me about 1:45 to do a 400m run.  It took me 45 seconds to do 10 calories on the trike.

Sooooooo.... need to reassess that whole math thing. 

It was taking people about 13 minutes to do this workout:

400m Run

25 KBS (53/35lbs)

15 Burpees 

10 Goblet Squats (53/35lbs)

800m Run

10 GobletSquats

15 Burpees

25 KBS

400m Run

I modified it by doing the Airdyne mod I mentioned above, the kettlebell things with one arm and situps instead of burpees..... and I got 8:15 which was just ridiculous.

I have also named the Airdyne that I ride everyday.  Her name is Betty.  I get annoyed when people adjust her seat.

Seriously... don't f#*$ with Betty.  I will know...

Alright.  Time to grab my muscle relaxers and settle into bed.  

Tomorrow... it will be a new day of sling fitness.  

Day 23: Pain in progress

Halfway done with my time in a sling!  Three weeks from tomorrow is my next appointment with Dr. K. Pretty sure that's when I'll get turned loose and can start doing things like not having to sleep with a sling on.

I got to celebrate my 30th birthday belatedly with a couple of my best friends on Monday.  We just got burgers and chatted.  It was pretty much the most ideal night.. ever  As I get older, I'm not big on making a big deal about myself.  But, I really value the people that I care about and my getting to take a break from adulting with them.

Ice cream sandwiches and friends = best

....only problem is that I keep ending up in situations where I have a surplus of cake.... looks like May is going to basically be a No means No challenge to keep away from sugar again...

I've been pretty busy with school and CrossFit.  At least, more so than before.  I have been hitting it  hard 5 days a week.  I think me and Chase have figured out how to scale the workouts based on what is on the board.  I can usually figure out what to do as a modified workout in a similar rep scheme.  Tuesdays when all they are doing is working on olympic lifts, it's time to go for a walk with the sled.

Yesterday, I did a mile with 45 pounds on the sled.  I cut two minutes off of my time from the week before.  Probably because I ignored the small dogs from last week and didn't make a wrong turn.  There's another girl in the gym who also has a gimp hand, so she's in a similar boat.  There are two sleds at the gym, so we figured we could race.

....my PT Brandie was not too excited to hear that, but she will be OK.  I haven't been doing anything crazy... like rowing with one arm... or lifting kettlebells with both arms... or attempting to do anything that involves the rig, or barbells. Could be so much worse... seriously.

In other good news though, in 5 short days I will be able to put my arm over my head with the help of my PT and we get to step our game up significantly.  I even get to take a dip in a pool to work a bigger range of motion.

I'm at the point of healing where everything feels cranky.  My collarbone seems to have finally noticed that part of it has departed to become BFFs with my glenoid, and it's mourning the loss of what used to belong to it.

It probably did not help that two mornings ago, I woke up to Cracker sleeping under my sling.  The reason I woke up was because my arm was in some serious pain from the awkward angle that this made happen.  I already have a pillow under my arm to support it... I really didn't need the extra leverage offered by cat.

....so he got to sleep outside of the room last night. Too bad for him.  That's what he gets.

On Monday, my massage therapist Hope finally got a chance to really get into working on my scar tissue.  I have never seen her so excited.  She took a before picture and she plans on doing a week by week before and after. Happy that I can contribute to the professional development of all the recovery professionals at CryoUSA.

I am really grateful that my recovery is going so well, that I have coaches and therapists who care and friends that have my back even if I can't put up my own hair without it looking like I just stepped out of 1991...

Seriously.

Day 18: So, I'm 30.

I woke up this morning rolling into a new decade of life.

It's not every day that happens.

  I made it out of my twenties alive.  There were a couple of times that I swore that they were going to kill me.. but I MADE IT.

It's a little weird to have to start to say thirty for my age.  I have a decade to get used to it so I got that going for me.

I started my day off with my pre-scheduled two and a half week follow-up appointment with Dr. Krishnan.  His birthday present to me was to have my staples removed: all 13 of them.  It was not pleasant initially... but OH MAN afterward it felt like my whole shoulder opened up.  It was GLORIOUS.

They threw some steri-strips on.  They are allegedly supposed to stay on for ten days.  With how much I CrossFit and shower after CrossFit and my scar's placement right on my armpit, we will see how successful that's going to be.

I give it 4 days tops...

Dr. K saw me and said that I was doing really well.  I got officially cleared to do just about everything that doesn't involve the use of my left arm or gripping a barbell.  Found out that I can skate in 4 weeks and stickhandle in 6!  So, I got that going for me.  I also got cleared to walk around without my sling in "safe areas" as long as my thumb is tucked into my beltline.  He calls it the "Al Bundy" pose.  Very flattering for a 30 year old woman...

Afterwards I stopped by Snap Kitchen to grab some food and saw my friend Laurie.  She had previously remarked that my scar looked like a hot dog with staples, so the steri-strips were a significant improvement.  I got some food and headed back to Irving to gather my stuff and go to Mass with my friend Sylvia.

Mass was awesome.  Jesus showed up.  He's pretty amazing.

I had a lovely lunch with Sylvia.  Her food smelled so delicious.  My food was also tasty.  We had a lovely chat and then I set off for Dallas again.

I went to see Hope to work on my shoulder.  I am very blessed to have opportunities to really enhance my ability to recover with Cryo and intense massage therapy.  That and the staff are just hysterical there.  They even made me a card which was really adorable.  She was super excited to do spot Cryo on my scar now that it's staple-free.  I already feel the swelling going down.

I rolled over to CrossFit Big D.  It was bring a friend Thursday.  With the prescribed weight and rep scheme, it almost felt like a birthday WOD.

I modified the WOD to one dumbbell (Rx is obviously two):
AirDyne: 40 Cal
30 Push Press (30 lb dumbbell)
30 Ab Mat Sit-ups
30 DB squat
15 DB snatch
15 walking lunge
30 thrusters

15:24.  Those Thrusters really sucked.  I don't know if it's worse with one arm or two...

It was muggy as all heck.  I was sweating so much that it was dripping off of me.  Shoulder felt really good.

I had class afterwards.  I really dig my Pastoral Administration class.  The professor is hilarious.  We had great and fruitful discussion about transition.

After class, the three adorable undergrad girls basically had me go out with them for an impromptu birthday celebration.  I am so blessed to be in the presence of such awesome young women who are so on fire for God and His ministry in the Church.  We laughed so hard over chips and margaritas.  It was a blast.

Now I'm back at home and thanking everyone for all the love that they showed me on Facebook while watching the 30 for 30 on Netflix about the Tonya Harding/Nancy Kerrigan saga.

Don't judge me, it's great human drama and very well directed...

I am blessed... and I am super stoked that I can sleep well and wake up tomorrow without staples.