Who is led to sin, and I am not indignant?
If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.
-2 Corinthians 11:29-30
In the last month, so many things have changed in my life and my healing. So much that just thinking about it makes my head spin.
One of the funny things about growing and getting better is that a lot of times when you feel the most lost and in pain, you are actually exactly where you are supposed to be.
Holiness, like healing, is a process. It is moving from what you once were to what you are called to be.
Anything worth having is worth fighting for. The things that bring the most glory mean having to endure the greatest struggle.
Today at PT, I walked in sore and feeling weaker than I had in weeks. It's like I know I am so close to being allowed to use my arm to lift things again and start hurdling back into what I was doing before.
It felt like I was weaker doing all of my exercises when my PT offered resistance to me. I finally spoke up and asked him why I had become so weak.
David told me that he could feel that I was getting stronger, so he was giving me more resistance than I had ever been able to endure before. I had no idea because the only thing I could feel was my struggle against it. I had no way of appreciating the fight that I was putting up.
This hasn't just affected me in my shoulder.
In the past month, my life has changed so much personally. I had finally reached a point with God where I was totally content with healing, being single and taking things one day at a time.
It was like I finally let my guard down with God. For the first time in my life, I completely submitted to His will.
...and He took me for a ride.
God started revealing the plan that He had for my life including preparing me for my permanent vocation. For the first time in years, I am in a dating relationship and walking this path with God without so many shortcuts that I have taken in my past.
Holiness is a process. Where all of your impurities and inequities are brought up to the surface for you to deal with head on. It is not pleasant. It is uncomfortable.
Being vulnerable goes against every fiber of my nature and being...
...and yet that is EXACTLY what I have been called to do in the last month.
It is really easy to be sure of a path until it is put to the test.
It is really easy to think you are doing just fine until you are faced with a choice to get better.
...and you can either take it or try to go back to life as you knew it before.
Allowing yourself to be loved is one of the hardest lessons to learn.
The last few weeks I have been struggling. Feeling like I am back at square one with my walk with God and all the progress I have made over the last few years.
...but in this struggle, I am stronger than ever.
Because in my weakness, Christ is strengthening me.
Feelings are fickle. They pass along with the uncomfortable moments and frustration.
Virtue leads to holiness... and holiness leads to everlasting life.
This is my struggle.... and I will rejoice in it.
Jesus said to his disciples:
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth,
where moth and decay destroy, and thieves break in and steal.
But store up treasures in heaven,
where neither moth nor decay destroys, nor thieves break in and steal.
For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be.
-Matthew 6:19-21
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