T-7 Days. I meet Jerome

On my way home from class tonight, I saw a man walking along the side of the road near where I live.  It was obvious that he was living on the street; despite the temperatures in the 70s, he was wearing a full coat and looked like he had not shaved or showered in weeks.  He carried a backpack and had an entire container of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups sticking out of his jacket pocket.

Up to this point, I had wondered if I had done "enough" for Lent this year.  I promised myself that I would fast from any number of things; Facebook and Netflix being possibilities that I had chickened out of with my upcoming surgery.  I told myself that I would pray more, that I would go to adoration (because lately quiet times with God have seemed overwhelmingly frightening) or that I would go to more Daily Mass (I've actually gone to less).  With Holy Week quickly approaching with my surgery date, I was feeling like a pretty terrible Catholic and a poor example for aspiring leaders in the Church.

The only thing that I had succeeded in doing was keeping non-perishable food and water in my car to hand out to people on the street that I encountered.  Previously, I had been not so much of a "social justice" Catholic in the sense that I viewed such movements within the Church with suspicion.  It seemed that those who I had encountered in the movements previously did not adhere to the fullness of Catholic teaching and looked down on those of us who did as not doing enough.  Even worse, my background in training in the Military and Police had me looking at the people that went to the Church in a way that they were a threat instead of my brothers and sisters in Christ.  My heart was incredibly hardened to them.  It is only by the grace of God and allowing the Holy Spirit to take over my life that my fear has been cast out and I was willing to try something.

Since moving to Dallas in June, I have seen so many people on the streets and I was moved to do something about it.  With the winter getting so nasty with the snow and ice, I had actually seen very few. The few other times that I was able to hand something out quickly from my car, I felt totally helpless that I was only giving them a light snack to get through the next couple of hours: when I was headed home to a warm bed and a fridge full of food for myself.

This time, I pulled ahead into a parking lot, stopped, said a quick prayer and got out with food and water in hand,  ready to meet my new brother.  He was incredibly gracious and introduced himself as Jerome.  He picked up that I was a student and asked what I was studying.  When I told him that I was getting my Masters in Church Management.  Almost immediately, he started apologizing for his state in life and that he was going to start some gyms in the area as soon as he found office space.  He even gave me a number for his receptionist that would be working in one of the new office buildings that he was "scouting".  He also spoke of bacteria being planted by terrorists in 2005 to frame us all and that we pass it back and forth as they mock us.  He also started spouting off about his study of Theology and his personal interpretation of scripture.  It was clear to me that he was having paranoid delusions.

The old me would have completely discounted everything that he had to say beyond that point or would try to correct his view on reality.  The new me instead looked for common ground.  Instead of shutting down, I was able to listen. After asking a couple of gentle questions, I realized that the "terrorists" were people that were hostile to him on the street and he had good reason to view others with suspicion.  I heard the Truth of the Gospel written on his heart that the bible was full of different translations and that God has given us the free choice to chose life or sin for ourselves.  I was able to affirm what he had correct, but also speak of the Lord's Mercy because He has great justice.  That forgiveness is a gift extended to us and that by showing mercy, I turn over the wrong of sin committed against me back to God for Him to exact justice.  We exchanged goodbyes and as quickly as it started, it was over.

I don't really know how much I helped Jerome tonight with handing him some Pop Tarts and a breakfast shake.  I didn't solve his homelessness.  I didn't get him to someone who could get him on medication to bring him back to the "real world".  I know that I won't be attending his boxing gym, whenever he gets it up and running.

Jerome didn't need me to "save" him from the cross he was carrying, but rather to let him know that I saw him as equal in dignity to me.

I do know that he helped me realize that no matter how far off our brothers and sisters are, that there is always common ground in our humanity.  Winning an argument or being "right" doesn't necessarily win anything for God.  Where Jesus gets the win is when you realize that He is right in the person in front of you.

Lent really isn't about how "well" any of us do it.  It is about entering into the desert with Jesus and tested and purified through trial and doing things out of our comfort zone.  Holiness comes from making the completely radical to the completely ordinary flow of our daily living.

Unlike my previous attempts to fast from cursing, I am sure that this Lenten practice is going to stay with me far into the Easter season and maybe the rest of my life.

T-8 Days

So, I'm getting surgery a week from Monday.  After beating up my body in the Marines, hockey, CrossFit and all other kinds of crazy stuff, my shoulder has finally decided that it has had enough and that it's time to get fixed.  Exact procedure is called a Latarjet transfer.  Basically, it's an arthroscopic procedure where the doctor is going to rearrange some bone tissue to replace some bone loss in my socket.. as well as repair all the broken ligaments that have quit on me.  As painful as this sounds, I am excited for my shoulder to return to its rightful place in its socket...

I am going to start blogging again to remind myself of my progress and the love that God has for me. I was pretty frustrated with the idea of another surgery, especially after my Achilles repair in 2012. But, unlike last time, I understand that there is a beauty of healing, and in pain.  In being vulnerable and in need of healing, we can see God work through others in their very best.  I know I will see it in my family:  both my blood coming to Dallas to help me out and my family at CrossFit Big D and my parish.

I am going to be stronger than ever in this because He is greatest when I am weakest.  Lord knows that I am going to be plenty weak for plenty of time.

From High to Low

Luke 9:28b-36
Jesus took Peter, John, and James
and went up the mountain to pray.
While he was praying his face changed in appearance
and his clothing became dazzling white.
And behold, two men were conversing with him, Moses and Elijah,
who appeared in glory and spoke of his exodus
that he was going to accomplish in Jerusalem.
Peter and his companions had been overcome by sleep,
but becoming fully awake,
they saw his glory and the two men standing with him.
As they were about to part from him, Peter said to Jesus,
“Master, it is good that we are here;
let us make three tents,
one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah.”
But he did not know what he was saying.
While he was still speaking,
a cloud came and cast a shadow over them,
and they became frightened when they entered the cloud.
Then from the cloud came a voice that said,
“This is my chosen Son; listen to him.”
After the voice had spoken, Jesus was found alone.
They fell silent and did not at that time
tell anyone what they had seen.

When the Transfiguration happened, Peter and the other two disciples were completely blown away by what became of Jesus right in front of their eyes.  His leader, a man that he has seen do extraordinary things.  Heal the sick, cast out demons and calm storms.  Peter had identified Him as the Messiah and Peter was called to lead His Church.

However at this moment, Christ was truly revealed as the fulfillment of the prophecies.   As Moses and the Prophet Elijah appeared alongside Him, with the voice of the Father from the heavens saying “This is my son, my chosen, listen to Him”.

Peter felt that he had to do SOMETHING about all of this.  He started to direct the disciples to make shelters for them.  He tried to spring into action.  Then, as quickly as it happened, it went away.  His Lord returned to normal and they said nothing about it.

This was startling, shocking.  It shook Peter to his core.  You think it would be a life-changing experience.  It was very obvious that there was a God, and that He was directing and driving what had taken place.

If we try to hold onto those moments as our only sign of God being present, we will be left empty.  As stunning as this was, how easy would it be for Peter to forget all that happened?  How is that possible?

The truth is that Peter did continue to doubt.  Things got harder after all of this, not easier.  It was a greater struggle to follow Jesus.  He felt unworthy of his office.  Mostly, he seemed terrified of Jesus leaving him.  He kept making promises to Him that Jesus knew that he could not keep.  He denied God when it counted most; three times while his Lord, who he swore to never abandon, was being prepared for crucifixion.  He did abandon His Lord.

No matter how much or inadequate we are in front of God, no matter how paltry or pathetic our offerings may seem.  God uses these moments to perfect us.  We don’t need to be anything because He is already everything.

Peter is our First Pope, the leader of our Church; A great sinner with a short temper that would proclaim the primacy of Jesus as Lord with confidence and react with panic and rage at a moment of uncertainty.

Although he may have thought that he was inadequate for the Lord by abandoning Him, His Lord never abandoned him.  Throughout his life, his ministry and his time, Jesus came to him in real, undeniable ways because if anything, Peter knew how much he needed Jesus and that without the support of Him, that he would not be capable of carrying out the office that he had been appointed to.

During this time of Lent and transition in our Church, let us pray for Peter, his succesor Pope Benedict and his office and how Christ has never abandoned him, but rather that He has pushed, molded and motivated him to be exactly who he needed to be to lead his flock to Him.

Now that we will be before Jesus, offer all that you have to pray for to the Lord on behalf to the imperfect men who have the impossible task of leading us to Christ and that this time of transition may lead us to a new understanding of our Lord.