God is Love

John 19:1-11

Then Pilate took Jesus and had him scourged.
And the soldiers wove a crown out of thorns and placed it on his head, 
and clothed him in a purple cloak, 
and they came to him and said,
“Hail, King of the Jews!”
And they struck him repeatedly.
Once more Pilate went out and said to them, 
“Look, I am bringing him out to you, 
so that you may know that I find no guilt in him.”
So Jesus came out, 
wearing the crown of thorns and the purple cloak.
And he said to them, “Behold, the man!”
When the chief priests and the guards saw him they cried out, 
“Crucify him, crucify him!”
Pilate said to them,
“Take him yourselves and crucify him.
I find no guilt in him.”
The Jews answered, 
“We have a law, and according to that law he ought to die, 
because he made himself the Son of God.”
Now when Pilate heard this statement,
he became even more afraid, 
and went back into the praetorium and said to Jesus, 
“Where are you from?”
Jesus did not answer him.
So Pilate said to him,
“Do you not speak to me?
Do you not know that I have power to release you 
and I have power to crucify you?”
Jesus answered him,
“You would have no power over me 
if it had not been given to you from above.
For this reason the one who handed me over to you
has the greater sin.”

Today is Good Friday.  Today is the day where our Lord and Savior, an innocent man, takes on the condemned.  He is reduced to the lowest of the low.  A condemned man.  Each scourge, each step, each fall, every drop of blood is poured out for you.  No matter what you do. No matter how far you have fallen, He has cried out for you.  He has asked His Father to forgive you.  He has shown His mercy.  He reminds us that if you are hated, the world has hated Him first.

This week, with the Supreme Court hearing cases on Proposition 8 and the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), my Facebook page has blown up with a sea of red equal signs with the hashtag #loveislove.  Most of my family, friends and people that I love and interact with daily showed their support for redefining marriage.  They condemned those who did not agree with them.  They called them bigots and said that the Church had no right to impose their views on others.  That those who opposed gay marriage hated gay people.  That these people must be illogical.  Who were they to deny basic rights to two people that loved each other?  They congratulated each other for having "smart" friends.  That those who agreed with them were on "the right side of history".  

For my straight friends who were the most outspoken, what I heard and saw was that I had to be stupid for having convictions against theirs.  That I hated them for believing something different.  That to them, I was accursed and bigoted for being Christian.  How dare I be different from them.

For my gay friends who I love most dearly, this broke my heart.  I mourned for my friends from playing hockey who had come out as gay.  My heart tore for the people in college who I had lived with and were my refuge when I was having a terrible time with ROTC, school and traveling for hockey; who had accepted me and gotten me through some of the hardest years of my life.  It killed me to think about my closest friends in Jacksonville who had accepted me into their home for many barbecues despite knowing that I was devoutly Catholic and that I may not agree with their lifestyle.  I thought about my mentors in Seattle through my gym and elsewhere who had welcomed me with open arms and had treated me like a little sister.  My friends who are gay and lesbian have been the greatest examples of Christian Charity I have ever encountered in my life.  I thank God for them and love them as my sisters and brothers.  I would do anything for them.

I was torn.  Since I have reverted back to the Catholic faith three years ago, I have converted from a person who who could be described as liberal and "tolerant" of those who lived in alternative lifestyle.  I felt that I had no right to impose on choice.  I felt that it would be wrong for me to condemn others for not living their lives the same way.  That the Church was oppressive.  That the ultimate respect of others was to not allow them to be judged. After my Confirmation, the Lord has revealed to me that He has the greatest wisdom.  That the laws of the Church are the laws of God.  That when we do not respect them and allow others to live outside of them, the innocent suffer.  The unborn are condemned to death.  The vulnerable condemned to death and neglected.  Children are left at the whims of the choices of adults, subject to incredible emotional, spiritual and even physical harm.  Women and children are brutalized and men are completely lost and abandoned.  

Once my eyes were opened, I realized that the Sacrament of Marriage was the glue that holds together the fabric of our lives.  That holding adults to that high standard, striving to uphold it saves and protects children.  That compromising it under any circumstances excuses harmful behavior.  That allowing it to continue without protest is consent to it.  That any threat to it is something that I must speak the Truth about, even if it is unpopular.  Even if it seems hopeless and damaged due to divorce and contraception.  Even if it seems illogical.  Even if I am terrible at it and offend many people I love.  Even if some of my gay friends, people who I love and respect and have been there for me in the lowest times of my life, may think that I hate them because I cannot endorse what they want to do.

I finally did something.  Something small, but took every fiber of my being.  I had to say something.  I posted this:

Because I didn't know what else to say.

....and people that I actually consider my friends openly questioned and challenged me.  

....and I tried to respond with charity and love, trembling with fear because I respect them.  I was intimidated and I didn't know what else to do.

....and a couple of them were so disgusted with me that they unfriended me on Facebook.

....people at my gym who I care greatly about couldn't even speak to me.

....and it tore at my heart.

I wallowed in my sadness for a bit.  I even questioned what I believed.  It must be so illogical if EVERYONE around me seems to disagree with me.  Even other Catholics.  Even Catholics who understand Church teaching think that we should mind our own business.

Then I realized, since I have gotten Confirmed, I have had several friends reject me.  Even my best friends.  Even friends that had gotten me through times of trial and tribulation.  Even friends who were my closest confidants.  

They rejected me when I renounced sexual sin.  When I wouldn't joke around with them about the men that they were sleeping with.  When I wouldn't validate their new purchase of a sex toy for them to gratify themselves when they were frustrated with the opposite sex.  

They rejected me because I would not consider having sex with them.  They rejected me because I stopped compromising my body.  They made me feel bad because I would not give them what they wanted, so I was "making them suffer" by denying them my body. 

They rejected me because I did not want to go to the strip club with them.  Because I would ruin their idea of a good time.  Because I was more satisfied being alone and having a clean conscience than laughing, smiling and watching other women take their clothes off for money.

They said I was sexist and misogynistic because I acknowledged that there was a difference between men and women in the way that the Lord created them.  That I was repressive.  That I was harmful to other women that I denounced my own sex.

They challenged my belief in the Catholic Church.  They accused me of rejecting them because I was a papist.  Because I was a challenge to the way they saw the world.

They make fun of me because I won't let them curse in the name of the Lord in front of me.  Because I complete their sentences with "Jesus Christ..." "...is awesome".  That I do not let them use Saints' names in vain.

They make fun of my Church's tradition when they don't understand it.  They denounce my Pope with pictures on social media.  They openly attack my Faith, my leadership, my brothers and sisters in Christ.  Then they call me bigoted and judgmental when I challenge them on it.

They have called me illogical. They say that what I believe in is fake.  They basically call me stupid to my face.  How dare I believe in God when I have "no proof" that He exists.

Even my Catholic friends challenge me.  They say I am taking things too seriously.  That I am divisive.  That the Church will come around and that I am quaint and silly for making the Church the central focus of my life.  That I am judgmental to remind them of their obligations.  That it's OK if they profess their Faith as Catholics and receive communion, then turn around and not fulfill their other portions of obligation of going to Reconciliation and professing the Gospel.

My own family has called me intolerant.  My own family says that I am judgmental   My own family accuses me on a regular basis and thinks that I don't love them.  They ask me "so, you think I am going to Hell?".  They ask me why I can't stop talking about my religion when they were the ones who originally had me Baptized and brought me up in it.  They wonder why I cannot discuss anything else when I am employed by the Catholic Church and I all I was doing was telling them about my day and answering their questions.  They make statements in ignorance attacking my Church and then accuse me of judging them when I correct it with facts that I have learned as I am more immersed in the history, traditions and Truth of the Church.

I get called intolerant, stupid and bigoted a lot by the people I love and care about the most.  My gosh it is HARD not to take personally.  It is so HARD to remain humble and not lash out at them in anger.  I do my best to follow the Gospel and love each and every person that I encounter unconditionally.... because my Savior commanded me to do that... and He walked the walk.

Today, when I hear the Gospel.  When I venerate the Cross.  When I fast.  When I hear with my ears that Jesus was betrayed by one of the twelve in his innermost circle.  That Peter, the man who He called to lead His Church and His most outspoken friend denied Him three times when He needed Him most.  I will recall with all my being that His followers abandoned Him when He spoke the Truth.  That the end of the day, only His mother, a few women and a fourteen year old boy named John were at the foot of the Cross when He finally died for all us sinners in the world.

When I recall the Passion and how He forgave me for all the sins I have committed before.  For compromising myself to suit others.  For not speaking up when I should have defended Him.  For using His name in vain.  For selling out my soul and body because I challenged the "logic" of the Church He founded Himself.  For making fun of my Christian friends because I felt intimidated by their faith.  

Each strike of the whip on the pillar, each insult hurled at His face, each pound of the hammer on the nail driven into His hand, each step with the weight of the Cross on His back.  I did that.  I put it there.  He forgave me anyway.

I work hard to forgive my friends.  I work hard to forgive my family...  I will love them in all their lack of understanding and ignorance of the way I walk.  Because to do any less is to deny Him.  

It is the least I can do when He has done this.... for me.